You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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