pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
home. puking in laundry basket.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
