Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This is the high leading the old right now
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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