I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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