Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
