He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize