My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
