I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The air taste purple.
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