why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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