God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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