I wish I could teleport
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
