is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
