I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
In America we eat man semen.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
