Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
