....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
