I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
