That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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