smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
