Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
