im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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