Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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