If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
