Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Green mimosas i think yes
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
