The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
