I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
