it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
