I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
