omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
