dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
