They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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