In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
