I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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