so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
