Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize