how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
