I must be too annoying 4 u.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
