oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
