No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
