That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
