I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
