At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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