I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
