But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
