Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize