Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
