what if every blade of grass was a penis?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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