Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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