You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
