blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
