Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
