she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
