we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
im holly from the hills drunk
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
