I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You ruined the universe
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
