no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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