Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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