As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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