Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize