do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
