dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
