every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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