even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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