Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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