Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize