he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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