If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
