The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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