Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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