google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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