I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I need moral support for this bender
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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