a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
