I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
