doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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