I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
