He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
