Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
