Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I smell stomach acid.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
