Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
