Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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