My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
