Three words: puerto rican gang bang
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
