he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
