I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
