On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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