He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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