if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
