i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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